Channukah with Jeanne and the Little Ones, 1995

It was the third night of Chanukah, so it was Dylan's turn to light the candles.
As I held his hand he used a candle to light the menorah while we recited the Shema.
Their mother was a quarter Jewish, and we casually observed Jewish Holy days.
An Israeli friend from work had given us the Menorah, and the boys seemed to enjoy the activities.
"Why do we celebrate Chanukah, Mikey?"
"It's when the Jews got the Temple back.
And they only had enough oil for one night, but the Menorah burned for eight days."
"Very good, Michael." I say and rub the back of his neck.
We spun the dreidel for a while and played some Israeli rock, including Dylan's favorite tune, a rock version of "la cha dodi".

Later Mikey and and I are playing tennis on the play station.
I'm McEnroe, he's Jimmy Connors.
He deftly maneuvers his man back and forth at the baseline as I prepare to serve.
I hit a smash.
It zooms past Connors, and Mikey calls out, "You cheated, Dad!"
"What?" I say, taken aback.
"Mom, Dad's cheating." Mikey yells.
Jeanne laughs, "Stop cheating, Dad."
"OK." I chuckle.
A few points later, as usual, Mikey wins the match.
I just can't beat him on the Play Station.
"Congratulations, Son, good match."
"I kicked your butt, Dad."
"In a game Son. In real life I could easily kick your butt."
Jeanne walked by with an armful of clothing, heading towards the washing machine.
"Don't threaten a small child, Dad." Jeanne says and playfully punches me in the arm.
We go into the kitchen, I make some spaghetti and the night winds down.
I look out towards the glassed in porch, and I see it's snowing, flakes dusting the grass outside.
A chill passes through me.
Like someone walking over my grave.
A feeling of foreboding.
I walked outside and lit a cigarette, the cold night air felt good, invigorating.
What is bothering you? I asked myself.
You have a wife, beautiful children, a job you love, with a future.
Something was about to happen, I answered myself.
What? I asked.
I don't know. I don't know. I replied.